Practical training - growing in relationship with God:
Interview with Cl. Jeff Miller
Sydney, Australia, 18 December 2017 --
Practical training is a time of vocation maturity. How did you mature in your vocation during past few months?
The first 4 years of Salesian formation led me to rethink many of the ideas that I had about my relationship with God, others, and myself; every idea that I came to understand would give way to 10 more ideas that I didn’t understand, and so the earlier years were a very confusing time. Having no way of understanding everything that was happening in my life was very painful, and for the most part, I would deal with this by praying and hoping that God would some-day soon ‘flip a switch’ and make everything better. Throughout this first year of practical training, I’ve come to realise that God, in fact, doesn’t intend to instantaneously make everything better, and that this state of unknowing is the means by which God means to draw me closer. In light of this, my vocation has changed from a ‘dream of a carefree life’ that I was hoping for, to a firm foundation upon which I can stand to endure the unknown of the years ahead.
What are the most satisfactory and joyful moments of your practical training experience?
The most satisfying moments of the practical training experience are certainly the ones I have no say in; the duties and projects I commit myself to on a daily basis bring little joy, as the endless questioning of ‘whether I should be doing more’ or ‘whether I should be doing them at all’ usually rob me of that. Even relationships with others don’t bring me much joy, because I’m constantly being interrogated, internally and externally, about my motivations for being in them. A kind word or a smile from someone who genuinely means it, and the firm belief that I am where God needs me to be, are the only two things which bring joy to my life.
...and your challenges?
For me, every moment of life is a challenge – every single moment of the day, joyful or otherwise, asks you ‘will you love God in this moment?’ and gives you the opportunity to say ‘YES.’ Certainly, some of these ‘YESs’ will cause more or less suffering than others; nevertheless, the question is always there.
What do you learn from the young in St Marys - Sydney?
My two main duties in St Marys are: to facilitate the Don Bosco Youth Centre and serve with music ministry at our parish, Our Lady of the Rosary. The young people in the youth centre have taught me: you have more fun when you follow the rules. Similarly, the young people in the parish have taught me: the more you seek to belong to the Church, the happier you will be.
Working together everyday SDB and FMA in one setting is your everyday experience...
The youth centre is co-run by an SDB and FMA community. The youth centre runs a bit like a two-party democracy, with all the benefits and limitations which come from that. Until I’d been part of one, I would often ask my formators why there weren’t more such combined works in the province; now that I’m working in one, I don’t see that there is any particular advantage in combining the two.
How do feel about accompaniment by your community?
As has been the case with my whole Salesian life, I feel that community accompaniment has been more passive than active, in that their presence and example is a framework in which I pursue a relationship with God. I don’t keep in touch with any other practical trainees in my province; I feel like we are all pursuing a unique vocation, at a unique pace, and that is okay.
...any free sharing, questioning, comment..
Throughout my earlier formation, there was a subtle message (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) that once I started Practical Training, I would see what it was like to be a ‘real Salesian.’ From the first day I joined, I had the firm conviction that I was called to fulfil God’s plan for me by being a Salesian; up until I started PT, when struggling to discern how God’s will was being fulfilled in my life, I would dismiss the thought and tell myself: “Well, it’s not really being fulfilled because you’re not really a Salesian yet.” Absolutely, entering PT has made it very clear that the past 5 years have, of course, been exactly what God has needed them to be – and I believe I could have gleaned more from them at the time if I’d not dismissed them as ‘practice.’ Or perhaps if I’d understood the seriousness of them they would have crushed me, and God kept me in ignorance to preserve my vocation – it’s one of the many things I can’t understand, and probably don’t need to right now.
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